Can you bargain for acceptance in the family business?
Judges 11:5-9
Jephthah, the son of a prostitute, who has been kicked out of his family’s house and is living in another country, is now asked by Gilead’s elders to lead the battle against the Ammonities. He points out their obvious reversal:
And when the Ammonites made war against Israel, the elders of Gilead went to bring Jephthah from the land of Tob. And they said to Jephthah, “Come and be our leader, that we may fight against the Ammonites.” But Jephthah said to the elders of Gilead, “Did you not hate me and drive me out of my father's house? Why have you come to me now when you are in distress?” And the elders of Gilead said to Jephthah, “That is why we have turned to you now, that you may go with us and fight against the Ammonites and be our head over all the inhabitants of Gilead.” Jephthah said to the elders of Gilead, “If you bring me home again to fight against the Ammonites, and the Lord gives them over to me, I will be your head.” (Judges 11:5-9)
Jephthah, regardless of his status as a mighty warrior, had been cut off by his family and community for a choice he he did not make: being born to a prostitute. Disinheritied and living in another land, I imagine he was angry and resentful. Now, with danger on the horizon, they want him back. The elders don’t apologize for kicking Jephthah to the curb. Instead, they offer — and Jephthah sees his chance to achieve — the top leadership position at home. But it somehow feels less like an acceptance of Jephthah and more like a transaction: Jephthah provides his immediate leadership in exchange for a long-term position in the community. He jumps at the chance to finally be accepted.
Even if not directly shunned by their family, relatives can feel underappreciated or overlooked despite being an important part of a family business. Their efforts to help the business, their loyalty to family members, or their ability to solve problems, may not be acknowledged, causing anger and resentment. But, can a transaction in a time of crisis create the feeling of acceptance that family member craves? Does acknowledgement offered in a current moment satisfy the deep pain of feeling unrecognized for years?
Do you know someone who feels forgotten, unrecognized, or excluded from the family or business? If so, what do you think it would it take for them to feel acceptance, or to feel truly appreciated, by their family members?