Faith & Family Business
The shaping of our sibling expectations (1 Samuel 17:28)
Welcome to my third Faith and Family Business series, focusing on the Biblical King David. David’s story explores a full range of emotions and experiences in life, offering insights about ourselves and others in work and family. We see David in a variety of situations, from youthful shepherd to unexpected victor in battle against Goliath, to a person whose rise in prominence threatens King Saul. David experiences incredible success and becomes King, but then his family life falls apart after an unfaithful relationship. Finally, he becomes one of the most noted religious poets in history. My hope is that your own faith, family, and understanding of your family business will be enriched by considering David's story.
We are introduced to David as the youngest of Jesse’s eight sons, in charge of feeding his father’s sheep at Bethlehem while his older brothers are away fighting for King Saul. David is asked by his father to take food to his brothers’ camp, where he overhears Goliath’s challenge, and David asks the men of the camp how they plan to deal with the giant.
Now Eliab his eldest brother heard when he [David] spoke to the men, and Eliab’s anger was kindled against David, and he said, “Why have you come down? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your presumption and the evil of your heart, for you have come down to see the battle.” (1 Sam. 17:28)
The older brothers are off fighting, the youngest brother stayed home but comes to visit the frontlines. Oldest brother accuses youngest brother of shirking his responsibilities and coming to watch a good fight. And not only does Eliab criticize David, but he presumes to know “the evil” of David’s heart. After our earlier studies of Joseph and his brothers, and of brothers Jacob and Esau, it is clearly not the first time that siblings assume the worst of each other!
I often wonder how our view of each person in a family or family business is shaped by the different roles siblings play for the family (e.g. fighter vs. shepherd); by the different time periods in which siblings grow up (potentially a decade or two between oldest and youngest); and by how differently siblings are treated based on their parents’ stages in life (just starting out vs. relatively established; married, divorced, or single, etc.). Does the oldest always take charge, or the youngest have it easier? Does birth order shape personalities? The point is that there are a lot of ingredients, and probably a few assumptions, that affect how we perceive a sibling’s behavior.
Earlier in your life, what assumptions or expectations were put on you by your parents and/or your siblings? Do these expectations still affect you today?