Welcome to my weekly Faith and Family Business reflections, where I (briefly) probe important questions that arise in family business – questions relating to behavior, relationships and legacy – from the angle of a Biblical story. For more information about this series, click here.
After Jacob left his uncle Laban, he headed for his homeland. But he wasn’t coming home with a clean slate. Twenty years earlier, he had stolen his brother Esau’s birthright. Jacob was worried, and scared, about how Esau might react to his return.
And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom, instructing them, “Thus you shall say to my lord Esau: Thus says your servant Jacob, ‘I have sojourned with Laban and stayed until now. I have oxen, donkeys, flocks, male servants, and female servants. I have sent to tell my lord, in order that I may find favor in your sight.’” (Gen. 32:3-5)
In planning his return home, Jacob decides to send a signal, to see how he might be received by his brother. He sends messengers, with a script, reflecting Esau’s authority and his own subjugation.
Subtle signals, sometimes unspoken, are sent all the time in the family business. A favor, a gift, a nice email or text message, are some of the ways we try to establish (or reestablish) connections with family. Negative signals include silence or limited communication, exclusion from or absence at a meeting or event, or even a lack of eye contact or avoidance at family gatherings. In those cases, we might be communicating our displeasure with a family member’s behavior. We often hope - or assume - that our signals are understood.
What signals have you either sent, or received, from others in the family business? Have people, including you, picked up on (or correctly received) these signals, or have they gone unnoticed?