My second Faith & Family Business series considers the book of Proverbs. Though written thousands of years ago, these proverbs still have a timeliness and power today. My aim is to consider these maxims in the context of our current experience of living and working with family members. Thanks for your feedback and sharing this post with others.
As we explore the process of resolving conflict, recall we first admit a conflict exists, then decide if it is worth trying to resolve. Now, consider a direct approach to the other party to try resolving the dispute.
Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret. (Prov. 25:9)
This short proverb deals with two subjects: directly approaching the person in a conflict and maintaining confidentiality. Both are important, but my focus here is on the former. Going directly to the other party establishes a channel of interaction while reducing both gossip and communication triangles, where two or more people talk about a third. Both tendencies get in the way of successfully resolving conflicts.
But this idea of going directly to the other person, to see if they will work on the conflict, is not easy — especially in a family business. Relatives who work together, who have different conflict styles, who are expected to interact socially (perhaps at upcoming holidays?), all wrapped around the idea that you will be near the other person for decades…there is a lot riding on your direct engagement! And while it can be awkward or even scary, I have often found that the current level of uncertainty and pain - the status quo of most conflicts - warrants the direct approach. Living with the conflict, drama, or silence can often be more painful than addressing the issue.
How have you approached someone with whom you were in conflict? If the other party will engage in resolution efforts, how might you both benefit?