My second Faith & Family Business series considers the book of Proverbs. Though written thousands of years ago, these proverbs still have a timeliness and power today. My aim is to consider these maxims in the context of our current experience of living and working with family members. Thanks for your feedback and sharing this post with others.
Proverbs is a book full of comparisons. In just the first half of chapter 15, we see the juxtaposition of soft vs. harsh words, wise vs. foolish behavior, righteous vs. wicked people, and the afflicted vs. the cheerful of heart. When we come to verse 17 (and again in chapter 17), the contrast uses the image of a meal:
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it. (Prov. 15:17)
Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife. (Prov. 17:1)
Simplicity and love vs. extravagance and conflict. Meaningful interaction vs. maximum engagement. Trade-offs are necessary in family and business, but we still long for perfection and prosperity. In this case, the trade off for worldly signs of success (the fattened calf, the feast) is steep: family strife. The cut of the steak, the price of the bottle of wine, or the inclusivity of the guest list, can’t make up for a meal where people clearly don’t want to be with one another.
The “fattened ox” or the “house full of feasting” in a family business can represent much more than food: wealth as an end in itself, growth for growth’s sake, using power or authority over others to satisfy ego, iron-clad control of the business due to fear, or the accumulation of stuff to keep up with others or fill an emotional void. If you keep and grow the business, are wealthy, and are seen as successful, but people are flat-out miserable, what have you accomplished?
Have you ever had a wonderful experience with others despite a lack of trappings or in spartan surroundings? What definitions of success, or patterns of interaction, tend to generate strife in your family business?