The dark side of succession (Part 1)

Coming back but not coming home: 2 Samuel 14:23-24

King David misses his son, Absalom, who fled after murdering his brother, Amnon. (Amnon had raped their sister, Tamar.) David’s key general and nephew, Joab, encourages David to bring Absalom home, which David finally does.

So Joab arose and went to Geshur and brought Absalom to Jerusalem. And the king said, “Let him dwell apart in his own house; he is not to come into my presence.” So Absalom lived apart in his own house and did not come into the king’s presence. (2 Sam. 14:23-24)

Absalom was gone for about three years before coming home. But he doesn’t really come “home” because David won’t see him. David puts Absalom in another part of the city and doesn’t interact with him. Why? Perhaps David was torn: angry with his son for committing murder while simultaneously understanding his reasons for doing so. Maybe David was trying to signal that the relationship between them could not be what it was prior to the murder; everything had changed. We aren’t sure what message David is sending, but it sure feels mixed! (Absalom will say as much a few verses later.)

The decision to return to the family business, or bring home the next generation, can sometimes feel just as conflicted for everyone involved. You might want the younger generation to carry on the legacy, but feel conflicted about the future viability of the business or your kids’ qualifications. Earlier disputes between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters — or even conflicts from a prior generation — can create in all parties a sense of ambivalence, a lingering fear or doubt about the decision to return. A younger generation member might feel a sense of obligation to return, while also feeling they are missing a deeper calling. Being at home is not the same as feeling at home.

Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong, or were not wanted by others, even while being physically present? What steps might you take to avoid giving mixed signals at crucial points in the family business?