My second Faith & Family Business series considers the book of Proverbs, and within this series we are currently looking at conflict. The first post deals with admitting a conflict exists. The second post suggests you decide whether the conflict is worth resolving. The third post is about dealing directly with the other party. The fourth post is below. Thanks for your feedback and for sharing this reflection with others!
My last reflection focused on dealing directly with the person with whom you are in conflict. But once we are face-to-face, or on the phone, how do we actually “deal” with them? Proverbs offers this wisdom:
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. (Prov. 18:13)
Conflict is the result of a disagreement or perceived offense, and often includes miscommunication, mistaken assumptions, and misunderstanding. So, part of the process of resolving conflict is making sure you understand - you hear - the other person’s perspective, or the reasons for their behavior.
In family businesses, there is a tendency to not listen well to our relatives. We’ve grown up with them, or we spend lots of time with them, and think we know what they will say or what they mean. We make assumptions about their intentions. And, we take for granted the seemingly permanent nature of a family relationship: that they will always be around (which they won’t), or that they have a responsibility to interact (which they don’t). It takes focus and discipline to really understand how another person, especially a family member, feels.
Have you ever felt you were not heard by a family member? How could you become a better listener to the family members in your business?