My second Faith & Family Business series considers the book of Proverbs, and within this series we are currently looking at conflict. The first post deals with admitting a conflict exists. The second post suggests you decide whether the conflict is worth resolving. The third post is about dealing directly with the other party. The fourth post focuses on listening. The fifth post is about telling your side of the story. The sixth and final post on conflict is below. Thanks for your feedback and for sharing this reflection with others!
My last reflection focused on telling your side of the story in a conflict. And because you also listened well to the other person’s side of the story, you’ve probably discovered that you both are feeling hurt or offended. But how do you move forward, past this purgatory-like prison of mutual pain? Consider the following verse:
One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Prov. 12:26)
The book of Proverbs is about knowing and acting with wisdom. And this particular verse is suggesting that a wise, righteous person is a “guide to his (or her) neighbor.” I propose you now consider yourself a leader, a guide, in finding the path out of frustration and conflict with your neighbor - your family member - in the business.
Someone has to go first. Someone has to lead. Someone has to act as a guide in trying to make the situation better. Just like Joseph did with his brothers, or as Esau did with Jacob, someone has to say “enough” with the cycle of conflict. Someone has to first say “I’m sorry.” Someone has to first say “I forgive you.” Someone has to first ask the question, “What do you need to see or hear in order for us to move forward?” Of course, there is risk in the act of, or request for, forgiveness, and looking past your frustrations is quite difficult. But if you want a different relationship, you have to look forward and find a new path, not dwell on rough terrain of where you’ve been.
Do you know of a conflict, in your own or another's life, which would benefit from decisive leadership now? How might you be a guide to your family members in charting a course out of conflict?